On the one hand, having a partner from another country can be exciting. You learn a lot about a different culture, perhaps even a different language, and your horizons broaden immensely with every experience you have.
However, what is exciting at the beginning can also become exhausting over time. The interesting surprises become repetitive and sometimes you wish for more simplicity.
The special challenges of a binational relationship
Jede feste Beziehung bringt challenges. In binational relationships kommen jedoch bestimmte Themen hinzu, zum Beispiel:
– Language barriers: Manchmal fehlen euch die richtigen Worte, um der Partnerin oder dem Partner etwas zu erklären.
- Different cultural values: You have been shaped by different values.
- Logistical issues: Where do we want to live together? With you, with me or in a neutral place? This also raises legal questions, such as whether someone needs a visa, recognition of qualifications and possibilities of employment.
In general, communication and creativity are very much in demand, and both parties often wish for more ease.
5 impulses for more ease in a binational relationship
Mindset: learning instead of teaching
One factor that can be stressful is that more needs to be explained. Your partner doesn't know many aspects of your culture and you often have to explain several times. Or there are topics that are important to you and you want your partner to not only understand them but also accept them.
This can lead to you adopting a lecturing attitude, which throws the relationship off balance. If you both see yourselves in a learning process, more than a teaching process you take the pressure off both of you to perform.
Ask with confidence
Kulturschock kann schockieren. Das führt dazu, dass wir den Partner plötzlich anders sehen. Gleichzeitig ist diese Person immer noch dein*e Partner*in. Ask with confidence bedeutet, zu fragen, without doubting that your counterpart is trustworthy.
Grenzen kennen und besprechen: Wo sind die Dealbreaker?
Wanting to learn from cultural differences does not mean accepting everything. Both parties can set boundaries and name consequences.
Example: “I understand that contact with family is important in your culture, but I don't want to eat with your parents every Sunday. It's important to me that we also have time for ourselves and our friends. I suggest that…”
When it comes to certain topics, it is therefore important to find a solution that suits both of you from the outset. If this isn't possible, you'll have the same discussions over and over again. If your partner cannot come to terms with your boundaries, what would be your consequences?
Back to basics: What do you have in common?
Auch wenn Unterschiede aufregend sind, hilft es, sich an eure Gemeinsamkeiten zu erinnern. Ihr solltet das Gefühl haben, to pull in the same direction. Werte sind wie der Kompass auf dem Beziehungsschiff. Was sind eure gemeinsamen Werte und Visionen? Steht ihr immernoch auf der gleichen Seite?
Personal and shared moments: everyone also cultivates their own garden
Due to the challenges of a binational relationship, both often focus too much on the relationship. It is important that certain decisions, such as changing country, are not made just for the sake of the relationship but you also have to see a future for yourself wherever you decide to go.
Ease is not always easy
The aforementioned impulses naturally bring their own challenges. It means taking a close look at yourself and your relationship. It's important to be honest with yourself and your partner and to keep communicating. This should bring lightness by preventing arguments and making them fairer. It should also allow both partners to feel safe and understood, so communication can take place at eye level despite differences.
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