Is there real trust in your relationship?

Trust is not always genuine

Trust plays a crucial role in a relationship, and most of the clients I speak to about this topic are sure that there is enough trust in their relationship. At the same time, there are often misunderstandings or arguments in your communication as a couple, which can be due to unconscious mistrust.

You should ask yourself these questions:

1) Do you address uncomfortable topics in your relationship and feel safe enough to ask difficult questions?

In a relationship where there is trust, both partners should feel safe enough to ask uncomfortable questions or broach difficult topics. True trust means that you can share your thoughts and feelings openly without fear of judgment or conflict. This comes down to two factors:

– Dass ihr beide euch gegenseitig respektiert und offen für Kommunikation seid. Dann ist die Beziehung ein sicherer Ort, um auch kritische Situationen konstruktiv zu besprechen.

- That you both have enough self-confidence to take your doubts and needs seriously and give them space.

2) What would your partner say, how free is he or she in the relationship?

Ein weiteres wichtiges Anzeichen für wahres Vertrauen in einer Beziehung ist die Fähigkeit, dem Partner seine Freiheit zu lassen. Das bedeutet, dass du respektierst, dass der andere individuelle Interessen, Hobbys und Freundschaften hat, die nicht immer gemeinsam geteilt werden müssen. Es besteht ein gesundes Gleichgewicht zwischen Nähe und Unabhängigkeit, und ihr beide fühlt euch wohl und sicher in dieser Dynamik.

3) How free do you feel in your relationship?

Another important aspect of true trust is the ability to express yourself freely in the relationship. In a relationship where you trust, you don't have to justify yourself or fear that your partner will reject you if you make your own decisions. It also means that you can be authentic without having to pretend to please your partner.

Another topic is coordination. Especially when living together or when you share responsibilities, such as having children together, there is of course a need to discuss and coordinate plans and activities. However, the relationship, even with children, should never be a reason to simply not do certain things or not allow yourself to do them.

4) Is there room for vulnerability?

Being vulnerable means sharing issues that make you vulnerable. Do you feel safe enough to share fears and insecurities, both about yourself and about the relationship? Can you be sure that your partner will treat everything you tell him or her with respect?

Do you not trust because YOU can't trust or because your partner makes you suspicious?

These are two different situations. Here again, the question is about self-confidence, but also about our inner ability to trust. There are people who generally find it difficult to trust or who don't trust others very much. But there are also partnerships in which mistrust is more likely to be aroused by the partner's behavior. Recognizing the difference is often not that easy.

If you would like to understand more about the “trust-situation” in your relationship or if you are not sure whether the trust problems in the relationship are more with you or with the partnership, you are welcome to contact me. True trust is the foundation of a healthy and happy relationship, and it's worth working on.