Clarity and decisions about the relationship

You don't know where you currently stand in your relationship and need more clarity in dealing with posible warning signs.

As good as you sometimes feel in your relationship, it is often very difficult with your partner and this makes you doubt. Insecurity about your relationship can be very unpleasant. You may see various warning signs, such as repeated, unproductive arguing or denial of your feelings. You don't feel understood and don't know what else to say. You are often alone with this feeling and your partner doesn't understand what the problema is.

At the same time, you have many wonderful moments that you want to keep. You have plans for the future together. You want things to continue and don't want to simply throw away the time you have invested in the relationship. So, you are faced with the question of how and whether you can work on the relationship to make it work.

The cause of the problem is usually not "stress at work"

Increasing discussions and anxiety in your relationship usually aren´t only due to current difficult situations (financial difficulties, children, stress at work, etc.), but mostly to how you deal with them.

Therefore, an important step in counseling is to determine where your doubts come from. Is it about specific situations for which you need new approaches, or do you find yourself in a harming or today so called “toxic” dynamic? A crisis can be an opportunity for growth in a relationship or, on the contrary, give clear indications that things cannot continue. It´s often hard to see the difference between those two possibilities.

It is important to find out exactly what situation you are currently in

We can find this out together in counseling sessions. Although there may be many concrete warning signals (red flags), every situation is different and in order to be able to assess it correctly, we sometimes have to practice new approaches and wait for the results.

The counseling process is co-constructive

Counseling sessions are about gaining new awareness and insights that will help you to better understand your situation and make your own decisions.

You explain your situation to me and what you hope to gain from the consultation. My job is to ask significant questions that can open the panorama and share my knowledge and experience. This creates a flowing dialog about your situation and new ideas and perspectives can be introduced.

It is very important to me that you get the clarity you need. You can ask me anything and also question what I say. It should be a very personal conversation, so the consultation is tailored to your specific needs.

Clarity can also lead to crisis

There are often moments of crisis during a consultation, because new insights can be unsettling and need to be processed first. This is completely normal. We work at your pace. Depending on the situation, such a process can be completed after just a few sessions, as you may simply need a nudge to make a decisión.

But it may also be that you need time to process the new information. We accompany unpleasant feelings so that you can then practice new approaches.

It´s all about practice

Applying what you have learned in counseling is a process - a bit like learning to walk. You eventually learn to position yourself differently, for example by starting to set boundaries and point out your needs. It's not that easy, because there are a lot of fears involved. That's why it takes time. Regularly sharing your progress will help you to keep at it.

A relationship cannot always be saved

Every possible outcome of counseling should be a step in the right direction for you. This may mean that you find common solutions or that you realize that it is best to separate. A separation is often not consensual, it only takes one person to make the decision and to be that person requires courage.

What is important now

If you decide to seek professional counseling, you have usually already tried a lot and want change. You want to take responsibility and are ready to work on yourself. This is why counselling is not about recognizing all the things you have done wrong. Counseling helps to take a new perspective of your situation so that you can better assess it.

Remaining curious and assuming you haven´t understood yet all aspects involved, helps. If you stay open to question yourself and your assumptions and are willing to consider new ideas you could be surprised about the outcomes.

Would you like to start a consultation and still have questions?

During a free initial consultation, we will take 15 minutes for you to describe your concerns and expectations. This will also give you the opportunity to get to know me personally and find out how you feel in the online meeting. I will answer all your questions about the process.

Depending on the symptoms you describe to me, I can assess whether online counseling is a good alternative in your situation or whether offline counseling or psychotherapeutic treatment might be better.