Imposter syndrome and the question "Who am I?"

Self-acceptance as the key to overcoming

A question of perspective

In my practice, I am meeting more and more people who identify with Imposter Syndrome. Not always at work, but also in personal relationships. The tendency to compare ourselves to others and feel that we are not good enough is very common and can have a huge impact on our self-esteem and mental health. As we focus more on what we still lack and how we need to improve and less at our resources and what we bring to the table as a person, we can become very anxious. What would be a suitable alternative?

What is Imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome describes the feeling that one's own successes and abilities are not justified and could soon be exposed as a fraud. Those affected often have the feeling that they do not deserve their achievements and are only in their position by luck or chance. This constant fear of being caught out as an "impostor" can be very stressful and lead to severe self-doubt.

Imposter syndrome in relationships

Even in a relationship or in a certain circle of friends, we can feel that we are not good enough or that others will realize at some point that we are not who they think we are. This is where the Imposter Syndrome often makes itself felt by withdrawing more often, not wanting to "disturb" others or constantly thinking about how we can make ourthelfs worthy enough. For example, through extreme generosity or with the motivation to help all the time, even if it may not have been asked for. It is not easy to say why we are loved and accepted by someone but it becomes even more difficult when someone finds it hard to accept themself. He or she then constantly thinks that it's only a matter of time before others realize what's wrong with him or her. To friends or your partner it's often things that aren't that important.

The role of peculiarities

We often see our peculiarities as flaws that we want to hide. But those could be what make us interesting. It´s often our uniqueness and the mix that makes us who we are and why we are in our position. It also means, that we cannot be like others and even less for others. If we take on something like that, we are running a race that never ends, because there will always be things that make us different. Our idiosyncrasies also describe our own way of solving problems and filling the role in which we currently believe we do not fit. This is an important step in dealing with Imposter Syndrome. By getting to know ourselves better and recognizing our individual skills and strategies, we can develop a healthy sense of how we allready are contributing in this particular context.

Practical steps in dealing with imposter syndrome

Writing: For example, in the form of a diary or for daily reflection on certain questions such as: What was good today? Which situations did I solve well today? Which of my personal skills helped me? You can also ask critical questions such as: What would I like to do differently tomorrow? Or what do I expect from myself for tomorrow in order to cope with this situation? Being self-critical should not mean belittling yourself, but rather accepting that it is normal to make mistakes and that you can always work on yourself.
Accept feedback: Learn to accept compliments and positive feedback. Remind yourself that others appreciate your achievements. Or ask yourself: What would my employees say, how would they rate my work if they were asked?
Self-reflection: Take some time to think about your strengths and how you allready are using them in your everyday life. Can't think of many off the top of your head? Then Google a list of skills, strengths or personal values and go through them. You'll quickly come up with new ideas.
Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and don't judge yourself for mistakes. No matter what position you find yourself in, you will still have things you need to learn, that doesn't mean you don't belong here.

Connectedness through authenticity

Authenticity means that we show ourselves as we really are, without pretending or hiding. This requires courage and self-confidence, but it allows us to have deeper and more meaningful relationships. When we are authentic, other people are more likely to be attracted to our honesty and openness, which leads to a stronger sense of connection . In addition, it can be very stressful to always act with the idea that we have something to prove. If you're in a place where your authenticity doesn't go down well, you might not want to stay there for long anyway.

Exercises to strengthen authenticity

Open communication: Talk openly about your feelings and thoughts with your partner and friends. Honest conversations promote mutual understanding and trust. If you still feel uncomfortable with the idea of being more open, try it as an experiment first. So try it once and maybe with a person or colleague you trust more and see what happens.
Recognize and accept boundaries: Learn to recognize and communicate your own needs and boundaries.It's okay if you can't do everything that is expected of you. You can also make suggestions as to how you could do it. Respect the boundaries of others without taking them personally.
Express gratitude and appreciation: You don't always have to prove to your friends, partner or at work that you are the right person for the job, but you can always be grateful that they accept you for who you are.

Think playfully instead of competitively

So overcoming the Imposter Syndrome is not about constantly thinking about how we can improve and what we are still lacking. It is much more important to look at your own abilities and appreciate them, because they have actually brought you to where you are right now. This does not mean that you should stop learning or stop questioning your knowledge and actions. It's more about taking a more friendly and playful view of the situation. You are not in a race, but rather in a constant process of growth; you are allowed to doubt, reflect and try things out. But you should also know what you already have and what you can rely on.