How happy are you in your relationship?

What makes a happy relationship?

When I think of a happy relationship, I quickly think of happiness, joy and lightness. But, sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're not. Joy comes and goes and it's not always easy. That's why I don't really like the idea of a happy relationship. It creates expectations, and we often have no control over them.

I prefer to think about a healthy relationship. That brings me to health, which can also have to do with happiness, but involves a lot of personal responsibility, too. When I think of a healthy body, I tend to think of a healthy diet, personal hygiene and fitness. In other words, what I can contribute to my own health.

When you think about the health of your relationship, how would you describe it?

If someone asks you whether you are happy in your relationship, you can only answer YES or NO. And whether you answer NO honestly, is a completely different question.

If someone asks you about the health of your relationship, you probably come to new questions?

• What works well, what doesn't work so well?
• Where does it hurt?
• Is there a pain that you have been carrying around?

Like knee pain that you never go to the doctor about. You get used to it, but it doesn't get any better.

• Are there chronic or acute conditions can you name?
• What are your strengths? What can you rely on?

A relationship needs care

You've probably heard or read this many times before. But it's always important to remember this. There are few things we have such high expectations of as our partner. I realize this again and again in counseling. We have this illusion about a partner that should know and understand us and always be there when we need them. That's a difficult task.

If you assume that your relationship needs care because its state of health is not just given, you are more likely to ask yourself the question: "What should I pay attention to so that this relationship Works?"

So you are less in expectation and more with yourself. Your partner should do the same. That way you see yourselves more as a team, like two gardeners in a shared garden.

3 of the most important forms of relationship management

1. Communication and listening

Both partners communicate openly and honestly with each other and know their expectations, needs and boundaries. These can also change. That's why it's important that communication takes place regularly and that you don't assume you already know exactly what the other person thinks about something. The point is to avoid misunderstandings by both sides repeatedly clarifying what the other person thinks and feels about a situation. It is important that there is honest interest. You want to understand how and why your partner thinks or acts the way they do.

 

2. Practicing trust and respect

In the long run, these two values are more important in a relationship than love and passion. Practicing them also means asking yourself the question again and again: Have I been respectful? How is my level of trust at this point? You may often find yourself at a point with your partner where you get defensive and feel hurt. Remember that it is your partner who is standing in front of you. Imagine that you can trust them, even if their reaction has just been strange. What changes?

3. Taking personal responsibility

Taking care of yourself and your own garden is definitely the basis of any relationship. You are practicing on yourself first, so to speak.

• In your relationship with yourself, how do you talk to yourself?
• How do you deal with yourself in difficult situations?
• What are your expectations of yourself?

It helps a lot if you can better assess over time which pains, fears or disappointments have more to do with yourself than with your partner.

Relationship care complex

I could go into much more detail on each of these three topics, and I will do so over time. So stay tuned if you find the topic of relationships as exciting as I do.