Kontakt in der Fernbeziehung

A guide for all those who doubt the distance

Long-distance relationships can be a real challenge, especially when the relationship is still young. Misunderstandings about the frequency and type of contact are not uncommon. How much contact is normal and what needs should be met? This article gives you some tips and advice on what you should pay attention to in order to maintain a healthy relationship, even at a distance.

The importance of regular contact

Regular contact is the foundation of every relationship, especially in a long-distance relationship. It helps to maintain an emotional connection and preserve the feeling of closeness, even when you are physically apart. Communication is the key to avoiding misunderstandings and building trust. But how much contact is normal? Everyone has different needs; you may be in different time zones or have difficult working hours. There is a lot that needs to be clarified.

What is "normal"?

There is no universal measure of 'normal' contact in long-distance relationships, as this depends mostly on the individual needs and circumstances of the partners. Some couples feel comfortable being in daily contact, while others may only communicate a few times a week. It is important that both partners agree on this and communicate their expectations clearly.

Different needs and expectations

It is not only in long-distance relationships that one partner seeks more contact than the other, but at a distance these differences can become even more apparent. It is important to communicate your own needs and expectations openly. At the same time, you should also check in with yourself: Where does your needs come from?

For example, if there is a need for very regular contact: What is the closeness about? Is it a simple desire for exchange or is there also fear involved? Consider whether your current situation is influenced by past experiences. Sometimes we project old fears onto new situations.

Doubts and uncertainties

If you have doubts about whether there is still enough closeness despite the distance, it is important to address them openly. You should always feel safe enough with your partner to be able to express your doubts and feelings openly. It is important to never make accusations. It's not about correcting your partner. You just want to share where you are at the moment and what you need. In this way, you take responsibility for your fears, which are allowed to be there. Your partner is then free to decide how they want to deal with the situation.

What is the purpose of your contact?

  • Emotional support

You give each other emotional support. Your regular conversations serve to share and enrich each other's everyday lives, despite the physical distance. You both feel that it is possible for you to maintain a Deep connection.

  • What´s the plan?

Shared plans and goals for the future are crucial. If you are prepared to stay together at a distance, the reason must not be that you don't want to separate. A long-distance relationship cannot last forever. It can be years that separate you, but there must be an end in sight and you need a common perspective, otherwise you are not partners, but pen pals.

Signs of unhealthy contact

Some signs may indicate that the contact is not healthy:

  • Irregularity

If contact becomes very irregular and you have the feeling that your partner is not making an effort, this could be a warning sign.

  • Lack of depth

If conversations remain superficial and important topics are avoided, this could indicate that a deeper connection is missing.

  • One-sidedness

If you have the feeling that you are mainly making an effort to make contact and your partner is showing little initiative, this indicates an imbalance.

Principles for good and balanced contact

  • Regular communication

Schedule fixed times for phone calls or video calls to establish a routine.

  • Quality over quantity

The quality of communication is more important than the frequency. In-depth conversations are more valuable than superficial messages.

  • Creativity

Use different means of communication such as e-mails, letters or surprise packages to add variety to your contact.

  • Shared activities

Find ways to enjoy activities together despite the distance, such as watching a movie together via video chat or playing online games.

Stay flexible and understanding if it is occasionally not possible to keep the planned contact.

It is crucial that both partners feel comfortable in the relationship and see the distance as a challenge, but not as a punishment. You dealing with the distance also means, that you give each other space and respect the circumstances of each one of you. With openness, trust and creative communication, a long-distance relationship can strengthen your bond with each other.

If you still have doubts about your long-distance relationship, we can talk about it together.