Arriving at last - how does that work?

When will I finally be there?

When you move to another country or even just to another city, the settling-in phase can often take longer than expected. It's usually not so much about getting to know the place and knowing where things are or finding your way around. Even if you have already found a few social networks, something is still missing. The process of settling in may not be going as expected and you're wondering what it actually means to arrive.

As with all changes, there are also phases of familiarization when emigrating

At the beginning, you're on a honeymoon. Everything is new and exciting; you are thrilled by the variety and how things are different but still somehow work. In this phase, you are also very open to new experiences. Things that would actually shock you may be easier to accept here. After all, you're somewhere else now.

The initial phase is also a time when we invest a lot of time and energy in settling in. We find out about the area, what there is to do, where we can meet new people, etc. The focus is on settling in and you take it for granted that not everything will run smoothly yet.

The honeymoon often ends abruptly

It's quite possible that you'll swing very strongly from one extreme to the other until you've arrived in everyday life. I keep seeing how the honeymoon phase turns into a shock phase. It's as if a curtain has been lifted and you're suddenly confronted with reality. Different values, unexpected answers, you are made aware of your misbehavior, you are not understood or accepted in the way you expected. You realize what you have left behind.

The shock phase can be decisive

Hier bekommen viele Zweifel, ob es die Sache wert ist. Es ist der Moment, in dem du merkst, dass du eben nicht einfach angekommen bist. Auch wenn schon alles organisiert ist: Arbeitsalltag, Wohnung, Kindergarten etc. Jetzt stellt sich auf einmal die Frage: Wie willst du mit dem umgehen, das dir überhaupt nicht gefällt? Gleichzeitig hast du vielleicht noch nicht so solide soziale Netzwerke oder Freunde in der Nähe, mit denen du dich austauschen kannst. Diese Phase kann also auch sehr einsam sein.

The real acclimatization

You could say that real acclimatization only takes place once you have experienced these two extreme phases. This is the only way to really settle down. You realize that the place you are living in now is not perfect either. The experiences you draw from this are the real, unvarnished experiences. Only then can you really make a decisión.

A rational decision is imposible?

In the shock phase, you may suddenly have seen enough and want to go home quickly, and that's perfectly okay. Or you may be torn. This phase is very emotional and it's hard to keep a clear head. You may not want to be too hasty and try to compare. But in comparison, there are always pros and cons on both sides. It's difficult to rationally explain why you should leave or stay.

Arriving is a personal decision

In the end, it's not the country or the environment that can convince or accommodate you. It depends on your personal convictions and your current moment in life. Perhaps many things in your new adopted country bother you, but you also see new projects. So, think about how you can come to terms with the differences. Coming to terms does not mean making friends or adapting. If you really want to arrive, you can't force yourself to like or do things you don't like.

Arriving is more a deal or some kind of reconciliation

Why are you here right now and not somewhere else? What values and beliefs support your life in another country that are more important than what you may have given up?

In the third phase, we accept that we will never really arrive. There is no perfect destination, it always goes on. Today you live here for different reasons, tomorrow or in 10 years the journey can continue. The journey is the destination and arriving means feeling comfortable in this process of adjustment and exchange. If you are still finding this process difficult, I will be happy to support you.