Finding a sense of belonging as an expat: a path without adaptation?

Life as an expat can be a fascinating but also challenging experience

Living in a new country offers the opportunity to get to know new cultures and perspectives. But over time, feelings of loneliness can also arise. “Being different” and having different backgrounds and experiences often makes you question your sense of belonging. In order to belong, many of the people I got to know tried to fit in. But fitting in can also lead to giving up valuable parts of yourself, which ultimately increases loneliness.

The urge to fit in

I myself have also felt like I don't fit in here for some time. Especially when I was younger, I tried to fit in. For example, by not saying certain things anymore or always being particularly careful with the tone I chose. Learning the language, adopting local traditions or integrating into existing social groups is one thing, but paradoxically, it can also make you feel even more isolated because you realize how different you are and how you don't identify with all of that like the others.

Finding belonging within yourself

I have learned over the years that belonging is not about fitting in or being accepted, but about accepting yourself. It is important to recognize and embrace your own identity, and that your diversity can enrich any community. The challenge is to bring your own personality to the new culture, rather than submitting to it.

I liked Maya Angelou's guiding principle on this: “You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” This quote reminds me that belonging is not tied to a specific place, but represents an inner freedom. When we accept ourselves, we can also be authentic in a new environment. The experience of living in another country can even support this process.

Learning and contributing

An important aspect of this process is reflecting on what we can learn from the new culture and which elements we want to adopt. At the same time, we should ask ourselves what we can contribute to the community through our differences. Every person brings unique experiences, perspectives and talents to the table – and it is precisely this diversity that enriches society. So, it is not about insisting on oneself and one's being. Learning certain aspects of the other culture, such as language and word choice, has helped me a lot in my relationships.

Finding inner belonging is a process

Here I would like to share some aspects that I find particularly important in this process:

Reflection on your own values and principles, as well as personal characteristics: What is important to you? What do you want to be known for? And what do you find exciting about the other culture that you would like to learn better?
Openness and curiosity: You should remain open to new experiences without forcing yourself to give up your own beliefs. You can also share your beliefs and surround yourself with groups that facilitate the exchange.
Networking: also look for like-minded people who have had similar experiences. Exchanging ideas with other expats can help you develop a sense of belonging, especially to this group, which you automatically belong to.
Cultural integration: try to integrate the elements of the new culture that you like in order to develop your own culture. Because the longer you stay in another country, the more this experience becomes a part of you too.

Seeking or finding a sense of belonging

Belonging is therefore not a goal that you achieve by adapting, but rather an inner state that you can cultivate on a daily basis. By understanding our own identity and appreciating diversity, we can find a place in the world that is both authentic and enriching – for ourselves and for others.