The power of attraction: Have you ever feld atracted to someone you never imagined could be your type?

Have you ever felt attracted to someone and didn't understand why? I hear this quite often in counseling. My clients describe their amazement at themselves. Most of the time, they are completely blown away. Not only by the person, but also by the whole experience of being with that person, even if they could never have imagined something like that.

Unexpected attraction: how does it come about?

Our feelings and emotions are complex. Often, they are the result of the interplay of many factors. Not only biological and psychological, but also social. Many factors play different roles in this:

1. Biological attraction:

Evolutionarily, we are often attracted to people who have traits we perceive as healthy or reproductively advantageous. These traits can cause unconscious reactions in us that don't seem logical at first glance.

2. Psychological factors:

Our experiences and subconscious play a huge role in our choice of partner. Sometimes we are attracted to people who unconsciously mirror our childhood experiences or unresolved conflicts. These patterns can be both positive and challenging.

3. Social influences:

The society and culture in which we live also influence who we find or should find attractive. Media, friends and family can shape expectations and ideals that influence our choice of partner.

When does this phenomenon occur?

The “when” is just as important as the “why.” Unexpected attraction often occurs during periods of transition or times of crisis when people are looking for change or new experiences. Something in them has changed or they long for change. These times of uncertainty or growth can open doors to new possibilities and cause us to see people in a different light.

In “The State of Affairs”, Esther Pereldescribes how we are attracted to people at certain moments in our lives because they have something that we lack at that moment. Or because the person we have become – or who we were and now miss – identifies with something that this person we are attracted to somehow embodies. Pretty crazy, isn't it?

Attraction can teach us

The phenomenon of attraction actually teaches us more about ourselves than about the other person. What is important is to remain open and to ask yourself questions as you experience it. For example: What does he/she have that I would like to have? What do I see or feel here that I am currently missing in my life? What do I identify with, despite the major differences? Regardless of whether the relationship is long-term or just a fleeting encounter, it contributes to our personal growth and self-knowledge.