5 topics that I address once in almost every couples counseling sesión and why

Every couple comes to counseling for their own reasons and with their own story.

We can therefore never assume a blanket treatment in counseling or a secret recipe that can be applied to everyone in the same way. At the same time, there are issues that recur because they can simply be important or difficult topics in any relationship. However, it is often not the couples who address these issues directly. What they want from counseling is better communication, fewer arguments and the rebuilding of companionship and trust. However, these issues often lie behind this and have never been specifically discussed.

1. How do you organize your finances?

Money can be a real spoilsport in a relationship. It's a very unromantic topic, because it's all about facts and figures that love can't do much about. When it comes to finances, there can be very different points of contention. Perhaps one of you pays less attention to money than the other, or one earns considerably more than the other. You may be in debt, or one of you may feel that you owe the other something because they are incurring higher costs. How do you organize your finances and how are you both doing with this arrangement? When it comes to finances, I always notice how it can be a very stressful topic for the relationship, but one that is talked about very little or reluctantly.

2. How do you feel about your sex life?

Sexuality is not just passion and desire, but also connection and exchange. It is quite normal for desire and passion to diminish somewhat over time - there are biological reasons for this. However, the desire to have an active sex life with your partner remains for the vast majority of people, although it can also present very different challenges. One person's desire is stronger than the others, sex is unsatisfactory for one or both of them, there are different desires or fantasies. How do you deal with this?

3. What is your relationship like with your families of origin?

The family of origin is where we come from and can have a great influence on our partnership. On the one hand, in the direct sense that it is still very present in our adult lives. On the other hand, through imprints and values that were passed on to us by our family of origin. In addition, there is the relationship with the partner's family of origin, which is not always easy.

4. What is your relationship like as parents? Or how do you feel about having children?

If you don't have children yet, is there a question of whether you both want children or not? If you already have children, there is a parental relationship alongside your relationship as a couple. Many couples, especially those with young children, live more intensively in a parental relationship, with the partnership taking a back seat. Or there are more arguments in the parental relationship than in the couple relationship because your parenting approaches diverge.

5. What are your joint and individual projects?

A fairy tale always comes to an end when the couple has found each other - as if they are finished now. But life always goes on. Even when the house has been built and the lifelong employment contract has been signed, there may be new projects. This is where individual needs and dreams come into play. These can also continue to exist and be pursued. Projects, both together and individually, keep the relationship and the respective partners alive. Both must feel free to pursue their own goals. At the same time, you can't have everything and must set priorities. Communication is required here.

Many topics, one common denominator

Bei der Besprechung jeder dieser 5 Themen geht es nicht nur darum, bestimmte Knotenpunkte zu lösen, sondern auch Dynamiken und Rollen in der Beziehung zu betrachten. Besteht Raum für die individuellen Projekte beider Partner? Werden die Meinungen und Bedürfnisse beider gleichermaßen berücksichtigt? Jedes einzelne der eben genannten Themen gibt auch Hinweise darauf, wie ihr zueinander steht, wie ihr eure Beziehung und euren Partner seht, ob ihr ähnliche Werte habt und ob Vertrauen und Respekt bestehen. Es sind die unromantischen Fragen, bei denen sich die wirkliche Verbindung herausstellt.

Give yourself the space you need

Perhaps you have become thoughtful while reading or have realized that you would like to discuss one or the other topic in more depth. If so, you are welcome to get in touch with me and we can create a safe space for you to Exchange ideas.