{"id":1144,"date":"2024-09-26T15:00:47","date_gmt":"2024-09-26T15:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dialogaryconstruir.com\/?p=1144"},"modified":"2024-09-25T12:33:06","modified_gmt":"2024-09-25T12:33:06","slug":"to-be-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dialogaryconstruir.com\/en\/to-be-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"From having to being in a relationship: what's the big difference?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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We often talk about having a relationship: \u201cI have a relationship,\u201d \u201cDo you also have a partner?\u201d \u201cShe doesn't have a partner right now,\u201d etc. The idea of partnership becomes an entity in itself, awakening hopes in us of getting or attaining something. But in practice, this makes it easy to lose focus and pay more attention to the relationship as an abstract ideal than to the people involved \u2013 both our partner and ourselves. We develop very specific ideas about what the relationship we want to HAVE should be like.<\/p>\r\n

What is a relationship?<\/strong><\/h2>\r\n

A relationship is more than just communication and happy moments; it is more than mere interpersonal contact. In a relationship, everything we say and do has an effect on the other person \u2013 and vice versa. But what happens when we speak of \u201cthe relationship we have\u201d as opposed to \u201cthe relationship we practice with each other\u201d or \u201cthe relationship we ARE in\u201d?<\/p>\r\n

The difference in perspective<\/strong><\/h3>\r\n

When we focus on the HAVING, we easily lose sight of the people. The partner is no longer perceived as an independent person, but as someone who has to fulfill a certain role in the relationship. Likewise, we often see ourselves only in the function of being or sacrificing something for the relationship.<\/a>I hear this very often, especially from married couples. There is a lot of talk about what they do for their marriage. THE MARRIAGE = The promise to stay together forever. If they do something for their marriage, they do it with the thought that it will help to maintain it. In doing so, both partners often have very different views on what is important for the marriage, but they never exchange ideas about it, because they are more focused on \u201cthe marriage\u201d and maintaining it, and less on the TOGETHERNESS of both partners.<\/p>\r\n

The alternative: BEING in a relationship<\/strong><\/h3>\r\n

Instead of seeing relationships as static entities that we have, we can see them as processes of companionship and growth in which we are with each other. This perspective opens up a new process:<\/p>\r\n

- The partner is an individual with their own needs, which I want to take into account. Just as I want my needs to be taken into account.<\/p>\r\n

– The willingness to ask questions,<\/a>to continuously exchange ideas and to engage in genuine contact with the other person becomes a matter of course.<\/p>\r\n

- The relationship is maintained through mutual exchange. Being in a relationship means being present, with the accompanying responsibility of maintaining an exchange that is valuable to both parties.<\/p>\r\n

Reflection question<\/strong><\/h2>\r\n

How much do you see your relationship as a separate entity, and how does that influence your perception of the people involved? This reflection can help us to better understand the value and dynamics of our relationships and to focus more on the people who make them up.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oft reden wir bei Beziehungen davon, sie zu \u201ehaben\u201c: \u201eIch habe eine Beziehung.\u201c, \u201eHast du auch einen Partner?\u201c, \u201eSie hat gerade keinen Partner.\u201c usw. Die Vorstellung der Partnerschaft wird dabei zu einer eigenen Entit\u00e4t, die in uns Hoffnungen erweckt etwas zu bekommen oder zu erlangen. Doch in der Praxis zeigt sich, dass wir dadurch leicht […]<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":486,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kommunikation"],"yoast_head":"\nVom Haben zum Sein in der Beziehung - Dorothee von St\u00f6sser<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Wo liegt der Unterschied? 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